Tuesday, April 8, 2014

My Response to "I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I'm Not Sorry"

I read this blog post months ago and it broke my heart, I hated that another woman could so violently slam my life and disgrace my most favorite thing about myself. I am a mom.  You call this ordinary and unexceptional, for something so hurtful to come from another woman feels like a betrayal. Even months later I’m still thinking of that horrible article and I’m still shaking from the emotions it evokes in me. Who are you to crush the most profoundly important thing a woman can do? Do you really have so little respect and love for your own mother that bore you into this world and shaped the person you have become? Is that woman so unexceptional to you? My wish for you is that some day you will be able to have your own beautiful wedding where you swear to yourself that no one has ever felt this kind of love before, that you and your husband are redefining the love stories and fairy tales, because nothing has been so strong before your union. And I hope one day you decide to condemn yourself to that lowly state of motherhood that you find so disgusting, and you have that perfect angel baby in your arms and I dare you to not think that it is the most incredible thing you have ever done. That moment when you, in all your pain and tears, brought that baby forth from you and you knew that there has never been anything more awe inspiring than that moment. Not your degrees, not the jobs you’ve held or the promotions you’ve made, but that tiny perfect baby you’re holding is the best thing you’ve ever done. And I dare you to raise that baby and even on those nights of no sleep when you are covered in puke and snot and you have changed more diapers than you can count and you no longer know the days of the week but you do know that you’ve never loved anything more than that child, I dare you to tell me that that love is ordinary and that life of a mother is unexceptional. I may not impress you with my life but I have never felt more fulfilled than I do now. I loathe how much your hateful post affected me, but when something I care so much about gets tarnished like that, I will defend it to my dying breath.  I hope you will get to feel the immense joy and fulfillment of motherhood. I hope by some miracle even your undeserving self will be blessed with that gift, for when that day comes you will eat your sad and pathetic words and you will feel what we all feel and you will despise the woman you once were. The woman that would try to defile the most important responsibility any one person can hold. I pray that day will come swiftly to you, so you may finally see the beauty only a mother can know. Your words will no longer torment me; instead I will revoke that power from you and replace that anguish I felt with pity. Pity for the selfish shallow life you lead and the empty heart that whimpers so tired in your hollow chest.  I will pity you for all that you will lose in your misled, lonely, meaningless life.

Friday, January 25, 2013


     It's finally friday.  It's been a rough week at work and it was even a short week.  But sometimes short weeks just aren't short enough.  This week the kids formulated a plot to gradually bring me to the point of insanity.  The kids took shifts to all have "accidents" on different days so that there wasn't a single day I wasn't cleaning up urine off a tiny little bum.  These kids are 4 by the way and aren't allowed to come to my class until they are 100% potty trained so to have an accident at all is very rare but one everyday was a test from God to see if I could make it without killing someone.  Its a dang good thing they're so stinking cute or we might have been a few kids short by the end of the week.  We also got some crazy weather this week and I drive kids to and from school in the mornings so that was intense for me.  That anxiety that I love so much always handles driving in bad weather SUPER good.  But now it's friday!  I love the weekends with my baby.  He's a little ball of stress during school but on the weekends he gets a chance to relax a little and just hang out.  Life is so good right now.  School and work get crazy but I love coming home and knowing it's just us and we can do whatever we want.  What we usually end up doing is just being lazy bums and hang out with friends because that's what weekends are for.  Whenever I get baby hungry I remember these times when it's just us and how sweet it is and I know I'm not ready.  So for now I'm just gunna party (aka watch tv in bed) with my hubs.  Happy Friday!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

ugh the gym

     Oh gym, how I loathe thee.  I've never been great at being consistent with anything outside of work.  Especially when it's something that I'm really not that interested in doing in the first place like say, the gym.  My husband is a gym-aholic.  He's seeking help.  I have a love hate relationship with his condition because I love the way he looks but hate that now I feel like I need to look good too.  Dang you and your hot body!  So I'm constantly battling with myself to get better at going and so far it's going...ok.  

     Reasons I hate the gym, overhearing conversations going something like this, "this morning I drank a dozen raw eggs to get huge like rocky", you my friend are a fine specimen and good luck with that salmonella.  Reason number two, the chicks that come to the gym wearing almost nothing (I'm sure you have a great waxer but I did not want to see your bikini wax from across the room) with your hair down and a face buried under 3 inches of make up.  It's pretty clear you did not come here to work out.  There really has to be a more suitable place for you to wear that outfit and to find a date.  The club perhaps?  Reason number three, um it hurts!  Hello muscle I did not know even existed, sorry about yesterday, I guess you're still upset about it; I will soak you in a hot tub until you cease to try and murder me.
     Reasons I don't hate the gym.  I couldn't bring myself to write "reasons I like the gym",  "like" felt like a strong word.  Sooo...  Umm... Hang on, I know there was something... Oh yes I remember, I realized I much more enjoy waking up and thinking "eh" rather than "oh for Pete’s sake.  Looks like another baggy sweater day.  What is this, day 12 of this look?  I'm sure no one has noticed."  And Todd likes it when I go with him.  Oh the sacrifices I make.  

about me

     I'm 23 which isn't old but it totally snuck up on me.  I don't feel 23 yet and if that's starting now I'm pretty excited for the future.  I've been married for about a year and 7 months.  My husband is Todd and he is awesome, I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have him.  I will be talking about him a lot more, but this is about me so lets get back to it.  I work at a daycare which means every day is interesting and surprising.  I love those kids like they're mine but some days working there is the best birth control on the market.
     I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka I'm a Mormon.  Religion is a huge part of any persons life and I am no exception.  It effects my every day in my thoughts and actions.  Another thing about me, I have general anxiety disorder which pretty much means stupid and pointless things make me cray cray with anxiety.  I'm also painfully shy.  My uncle in-law literally thought I didn't speak English the first few times he met me, an unfortunate but true story.  But you better believe that once I feel comfortable around you I'm am totally insane. 
     My hobbies include having spontaneous dance parties, watching a lot of TV, sleeping in, eating delicious food, playing board games, singing songs mid conversation when an unsuspecting person accidentally quotes a lyric to a song I know, laughing with friends, hanging out with the hubs and a lot more random things.  Things that scare me, scary movies (duh), being alone, talking in front of people, trying new things and swimming in any body of water that's bigger than my tub.  Things I hate, cleaning anything, mornings, bills and the gym.  
     I decided to start a blog just because I love to write.  I don't think anything I say will be particularly eye opening or life changing but it'll just be my thoughts on things and the way I see the world.  My family and friends are spread out all over the country and I couldn't imagine a worse person at keeping in touch with people than myself so I'm hoping this could be a way that they can know what I'm up to.  I can only pray that it will be somewhat entertaining to read.  My goal isn't really to give advice or teach crafts its just to share what I'm learning and going through and hopefully you can relate.